The advantages of online dating

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By almost any measure, Internet dating is ubiquitous. Per an op-ed piece in The New York Times, over one-third of couples who married in the last few years met online.

And then there’s the anecdotal evidence: just about everyone knows a couple who met on or its equivalent.

For example, having come of age around the same time as Brooks, he and I presumably had access to the same panoply of 1970s and 1980s mate-finding tools: bars, beaches, work, school and introductions through family and friends. The proof of this is the tremendous number of marriages originating online.

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Facebook, Twitter and email — apps arguably responsible for the decline of written communication and normal conversation — get about the same proportion of accolades as online dating gets abuse. And then you enter into a relationship and begin to unearth the really interesting stuff. Whether the things that lured you in are what you really want…

First and foremost, online dating is chastised as being a “meat market.” As New York Times columnist David Brooks recently lamented, online daters are “shopping for human beings, commodifying people.” This criticism ignores the huge benefit of “commodified” dating: expanding the world of dating experience, and, hopefully, the knowledge about oneself and others that can flow from it. Despite the critics, online daters are analyzing people across the same spectrum as anyone ever did, just with more choices.

To address that, I purposely saw women radically different from what ordinarily drew me, something I wouldn’t have been able to do to any great extent using traditional dating venues.

Fearing repeating the big mistake that was my long marriage, I also found myself projecting my ex’s less-desirable traits on women whether or not they had them.

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