When we were clearing dishes, my friend asked me eagerly what I thought of him. Shy, like little boys cowering behind their mothers’ skirts?Only then was it clear that she’d been hoping we might click on a romantic level. Shy, like breaking into a sweat when paying a compliment?Instead of waiting to hear what your date suggests, have a couple ideas in mind before you actually start planning with him or her.
With dating, shy men and women come to the table with a minor disadvantage because dating is a social activity, and shy people have a hard time putting their best foot forward with people brand new to them.
He seems nice enough, I told her, but clearly is not into me because he never really flirted. All my life, the men I’d been attracted to were extroverts who told jokes and held court like royalty — and they flirted and seduced quite skillfully.
“Oh no,” she insisted, “I was watching, and I can tell he likes you! Introversion in a man was not something I understood, let alone appreciated.
Because shy men and women tend to be more introverted and more observational thinkers in the first place, not taking things seriously goes against the grain of the shy personality makeup.
But trust me when I say this: As much as a first date seems to matter in the moment, you have to put it all in perspective.
He talked about his job (he worked for a Silicon Valley startup), loved independent films and had three sisters.