The boyfriend was older and taught us to sneak out of our houses and steal alcohol from our parents.One wintry weekend, we made a daring plan to camp by the lake in our cars.I whispered breathlessly, "That you would ask that question means that you care. My unrealistic expectations and her relationships with other boys spelled disappointment for me and disaster for our friendship.We had sex a few more times, but it was never like the first time again.The experience was not pleasurable for me, but it wasn't particularly unpleasurable either, so I continually assured them that it was great when they asked. I dashed outside naked and ran across the ice to some bushes.
We hugged, said goodnight, and then I hesitated before going out the door.
Imagine my surprise thirty minutes later, when, after lying in the dark talking for what seemed like an hour, without warning, I felt her lips against mine. The next night, after driving to a friend's place in NYC, I audaciously reached down and teased her with my fingers, but she prevented me from pulling off her underwear when I made an attempt. We kissed, I fingered her, she ground against me for all she was worth — and then abruptly she was still.
It was just a quick peck, but it stopped me mid-sentence. "I can't help myself," she whispered in the darkness.
It was worth it though, for that one night, that one hour of honest innocence and senseless happiness.
I'll never forget it, and I'll never forget her.
She hadn't acknowledged my interest, though, except to say that she wanted to be single after a bad experience breaking up with her last boyfriend. "A lot." "Me too," was her answer, and she leaned over and gave me a quick hug.