That's a couple's issue that takes some soul-searching, some exploring and maybe some therapy to figure out.
It certainly can be repaired, but until you feel that connection, you're not going to be open to receiving. Laura Berman's advice on marriage counseling Q: I suggested to my husband that we go to marriage counseling to figure out how to deal with some problems with my mother-in-law. When we got there, boy, did we talk about other things besides my mother-in-law, and our marriage is better now than ever.
Here's her advice on intimacy, oral sex and why you should stop saying "va-jay-jay." Q: What are some things my husband and I can talk about to build intimacy without having sex?
A: Here are some ideas that I find work really well: You can discuss a vacation that you'd love to go on. " Even if you've been with that person for 30 years, you may not have had that conversation since you were in your 20s.
Q: My partner and I have agreed to open communication, including having pass codes to each other's phones and emails.
He doesn't understand the texts I send to my best friend about him or other things going on in my life. A: I'm of the opinion that if you're in a monogamous relationship, all your passwords to all your accounts should be an open book.
Q: How do you deal with things like fertility drugs or hormones, which affect your relationship but which you don't have a lot of control over?
Once that pressure to have sex is off the table, it makes room for the sensual energy to build.
Q: I have a husband who's quite good at oral sex, but I've had some uncomfortable experiences with it in my past. A: I've done national research on genital self-image in women because this is such a huge issue.
That still sometimes happens, but I am seeing a trend where, now that a lot of the societal taboo has been lifted, many couples want to build better intimacy before things get too hard. Maintaining a healthy relationship is the hardest job there is.
Anyone who tells you a relationship shouldn't be work is an idiot.
But that does not mean you check them constantly or check them at all.