He talks about how in the “battle of the sexes,” awkward shy guys damn sure don’t feel “privileged.” How he, in particular, was plagued with guilt and fear over approaching women, constantly self-castigating over the possibility that he was a sexual harasser or a rapist, to the point where he asked a therapist about the possibility of chemical castration.
He talks of reading Andrea Dworkin and other radical feminists who make him feel, as a man, like a monster. Although I was never as bad off as Scott Aaronson I’ve felt a lot of those feelings and, more importantly, I’ve known my share of guys who were that bad off.
There’s no one more resistant to being empathized with or more prone to call attempts to do so “patronizing” than the bitter lonely guy, especially when women try to do it but even when other nerdy guys try to reach out. Nerdlove and the founders of the Good Men Project spend huge chunks of their lives trying to help nerdy guys, but still get regularly blasted with extreme vitriol as “feminist SJWs” by said nerdy guys.
I’ve tried to write sympathetically about this stuff in the past: the guilt, the shame, the constant feelings of inadequacy.
They came from things that happened inside his head.
She said something like “Oh…you don’t take women you meet in grocery stores to dinner?
And he concludes as a result of this that feminism is a destructive force for men like him, that the bias of the world is tilted in favor of women and women’s issues because everyone is talking about how to help victims of harassment and sexual assault and no one is talking about how to help him. It seems in every group of nerdy guys I’ve known there’s one guy who’s trapped in a feedback loop of anxiety and self-loathing when it comes to women that goes around and around in circles.
Feminists on the Internet have tried to respond to Aaronson’s piece, some sympathetically, some less so.
(You don’t need to be a psychologist to figure this as a possibility.) Whether it was one man or many, she hangs on the experiences and uses her anger like a protective shield. You have a choice: focus on the guy(s) who did you wrong (at least that how it looks now) and assume they’re all like that OR start gathering new evidence. Maybe it’s your brother, neighbor, best friend’s husband, chiropractor or co-worker. And when I exorcised those demons, all of the sudden I saw good men all around me. Eventually, though, you move on with hope, determination and an open heart. I’m sharing what I’ve learned with you to help you understand and appreciate the men you’re meeting.
That use of blame prevents her from taking responsibility for the relationships in her life, especially with men. Her transformation begins with taking an honest, sometimes painful look in the mirror. I’ve never met a woman who couldn’t identify some men in her orbit who were kind and a good partner to someone. This empathy will surely lead you to become a more grownup, compassionate and HAPPY dater and, ultimately, life partner.
She is afraid, but anger is her go-to emotion rather than dealing with what she’s really feeling: fear, insecurity, sadness, etc. Seeing and accepting that she is the common denominator in all her bad relationships is her first step toward freedom.