This is why it is important to become aware of the type of relationships you are engaging in, their behaviour, and most importantly your own behaviour and patterns so that you don’t get drawn into these self-esteem, depleting relationships. Mr Unavailable isn’t necessarily sitting there saying, ‘I love the arse off myself’, but it is all one big ego trip where he loves thinking that at least woman that he can habitually ‘fall back’ on, loves him.
It’s also important to note that you cannot be emotionally available , if you are with an emotionally unavailable person, and you are not a narcissist (or at least I hope not! This is why he often keeps coming back or tries to come back, because his ego can’t take the idea of someone not being there for him to use for an ego massage.
When it comes to all of the relationship advice questions received, this ranks near the top.
If you’re honest with yourself, you will admit that you have asked yourself this before.
Now it is bad enough for these women with three of these criteria to deal with, but if your man makes the grade of five criteria, you need to come up with a plan of action.
If you are waiting for him to change, whether he is ‘just’ a Mr Unavailable or a bonafide narcissist, you are in for a hell of along wait.
What’s the difference between an emotionally unavailable man and a narcissist? Expects unreasonable or special and favourable priority treatment. Demands automatic and full compliance with his or her expectations.
Mr Unavailable is a walking contradiction – He sees himself as Mr Wonderful, a great catch even, when in actual fact, he’s Mr Nightmare. Whatever role he feels like playing, you are expected to jump to his beat and play along.
Since I published my book Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, which focuses on the behaviour of emotionally unavailable men, I’ve had several emails requesting that I discuss the subject of narcissism further because many women do believe that they are going out with a narcissist. For me, someone being a narcissist has always represented someone with excessive self-love, who pretty much fancies themselves. Constantly envious of others or believes that they feel the same about him or her 9.
According to the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) group it’s “An all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood and present in various contexts.” How do you know if he (or she) is a narcissist? Arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes coupled with rage when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted.
Everything is about managing it back into a safe, comfortable area where he gets exactly what he wants.
They blow hot and cold – This is how they manage The Status Quo so that you fall into line.
That wait will extend itself further if you are with a narcissist.