"Doing so will help you create what you want to create in your life—instead of just passively waiting for him to find you."You've probably met your fair share of men who would qualify for your own personal What Was I Thinking? Maybe you took a risk on that guy with the emotional issues, or that supposedly-reformed player with a laundry list of ex-flames.
Don't beat yourself over those mistakes, says Steinberg.
"You can't wait for serendipity to intervene or simply say, ' It will happen when it happens.'"What does that look like?
So while you should keep those sky-high goals close to your heart, you also have to hold yourself accountable for not missing out on something else you really want—like marriage and kids."You have to put in the time, effort and energy—even when you feel like throwing in the towel or avoiding it altogether," says Steinberg."And that means not just getting out there dating, but really understanding what and who you are looking for on a deeper level, and not the superficial stuff."Translation: You might think "not settling" means holding out for the tall, dark-haired Gosling who runs his own company and is perfect in every way, but what do you really ? Chance meetings might be romantic in the moment, but a guy with attributes to complement yours is romantic long-term.The less time you spend with a dead-end dude, the more room you'll have to pace the relationship with a guy who seems like a potential winner."You don't want to rush the process with him," says Steinberg. Make a date with yourself for a cup of coffee or glass of wine, grab a notebook, and take stock of your behaviors in your 20s."It takes time to discover your feelings, for him to discover his, to build an emotional bond, and to see he's consistently trustworthy, reliable, kind, emotionally available and sensitive to your needs." If a guy obviously isn't? Think about what didn't work in terms of fostering personal and relationship growth. Get specific about the choices you made and what might need to change.